3rd November - A Leap in the Dark?

Stepping Out

by Stu Armstrong, who is currently training for ordination

I remember one year at Summer Madness there was a boy in our group, let’s call him Ryan. There are a few things you need to know about Ryan.

Ryan was nearly blind. His eyesight was awful. Most things were just fuzzy shapes until you got within about a metre of his face. He had almost no depth perception.

Ryan was brave, adventurous and confident. Undeterred by his eyesight and always up for a challenge.

Ryan was also an idiot. He was wonderfully intelligent, but lacked any and all wisdom or common sense.

 

Some of you will remember that across the street from Glenarm Estate there is a little play park and some public toilets by the beach. One morning, Ryan went exploring. He somehow managed to make it off site, cross the road without getting squashed and found his way to the play park.

 

Now, there is one final thing you need to know about Ryan.

Ryan loved parkour…

…or at least the idea of parkour.

 

Ryan coolly surveyed (I use that word very generously) the landscape taking note of what appeared to be a climbing frame. Ryan courageously climbed to the top of the public toilet block and prepared himself for heroism. Ryan, with all the grace and athleticism of a flying squirrel, ran and leapt into the air, arms extended, ready to catch the climbing frame, swing and land to the thunderous applause of the Glenarm locals.

 

It didn’t go to plan.

 

Remember when I said that Ryan had no depth perception? Well, that climbing frame was a solid 10m from the toilet block. He would have needed a jetpack to make that jump. No, instead Ryan landed wrists first on the hard ground. Fortunately for his pride, that audience of locals turned out to be some bushes, a bin and a kids seesaw type thing.

 

Several hours later, after fear of judgement had subsided, Ryan appeared with wrists swollen as thick as my calves. Nine hours in the emergency room and a box of ibuprofen later and we returned to Glenarm just in time to eat our breakfast and sleep for an hour before MainStage.

 

So, other than the dangers of blind teenagers attempting parkour unsupervised, what can we learn from this? Quite a bit about following God’s leading actually!

 

1. Trying to follow God’s leading can feel like a leap in the dark.

2. Trying to follow God’s leading takes real courage and, sometimes, a sense of adventure.

3. Trying to follow God’s leading requires wisdom and, sometimes, simply common sense.

 

My journey to this point has been one of stumbling through the dark without a definite sense of direction. At various points growing up I wanted to be a cartoonist, a pilot, a painter, an offshore engineer, a forensic investigator, a teacher, a youth worker, an air traffic controller and a restauranteur. In that order. Maybe you have a decent idea of where you’re going or maybe you don’t. Either way, life isn’t always that clear cut. Often we’re just figuring it out as we go along. And it’s the same when trying to discern God’s will for your life… and even if you hear God clearly, the process doesn’t always make sense when you’re in it.

I’ve been in full time youth ministry for coming on 13 years now and in my current church for the past 3. I’d been part time for the past couple years and finally made full time at the start of this year. Within weeks I felt God clearly speak to me about applying for another job… why?! Amazing role with Tearfund teaching young people about God’s heart for the poor - but I was happy where I was and just transitioned into a bigger role. Well, I got the job, but my start date was delayed all thanks to Covid. During the delay I was accepted for ordination training in the Church of Ireland but said no as I had some things on my heart and mind that needed worked out first - and I’d just been offered a job. Well, a few months past, I started at Tearfund and was able to keep a few hours a week at church to stay involved in youth. It was a dream… but again, after only a few weeks, God spoke about change. He laid ordination so heavily on my heart that I called our local Bishop who worked some bishops-voodoo and got me back into training months after the deadline! I ended up leaving Tearfund after only 3 months and my, no reduced church role a few weeks later. It was all crazy - and humanly, made no sense. Now, looking back on it I can see God teaching me so much through the process (that’s another story), but I felt like I was taking one giant leap in the dark after another.

 

A really well-known portion of scripture kept coming to mind.

Proverbs 3.5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight.”

Straight doesn’t mean straightforward, but it will get you to where you need to go.

 

Sometimes you’ll need to be brave and make decisions that scare you - like leaving a job you love, changing your UCAS choice at the last minute or selling your house, giving away everything you own and moving halfway around the world and then do it all over again a little while later (all of which I’ve done) - if you are to be fully obedient to God. In John 14, Jesus said that if we love Him we’ll obey Him. In Luke 9, He tells us that we have to deny ourselves. John the Baptist said, “He must increase… I must decrease.” Following Jesus is an all out surrender to self and embrace of adventure.

 

I remember praying when I was about 16 or 17, “God, I surrender myself fully to You. Do whatever you want with my life.” Do whatever you want with my life. That’s a pretty scary prayer. I’ve learned that if you give yourself over to God, He will use you - and a lot of the time you don’t feel ready. But time after time He will prove Himself faithful and you’ll experience the fullness of life that Jesus promised in John 10:10. What an adventure!

 

Final point.

 

We’ve talked a bit about big, life-changing decisions, careers and stuff like that. But, honestly, I think most of following Jesus, and by extension, discerning and obeying His will, is just making simple good choices day by day. I think it’s mostly just prayerfully reading the Bible with people you love and trust, and taking what it says seriously. Psalm 119:105 says “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” If you want to know what God wants for you, read His word.

 

A lot of the time we believe, or at least we hope that God has this massive grand plan all mapped out for our lives. Like, there’s only one career choice for us, one person we can marry and so on. And sometimes that’s true. Sometimes God has a very definite thing for us to do - just look at Abraham or Moses or David. But for most of us, most of the time, we, in His grace get to choose these things. Most of the time His will is for us to simply trust and obey, to love Him, love people and show kindness.

 

Let me leave you with a challenge and some encouragement. If you’re brave enough, pray that big scary prayer. Give yourself over to God completely and follow Him wherever He takes you. While you discern where that might be, remember grace. Remember freedom. Remember you have The Holy Spirit - the Comforter - dwelling inside, helping you to understand the words of Scripture. It might seem silly, but ask Google to help you discover God’s will. Read the Scriptures it suggests and be amazed that so much of it is simply being a disciple of Jesus. That’s what’s really important. Not your job or your status or some grand adventure, but loving God, loving others and pointing them towards Jesus through faith in action.